2013 Monster Resolutions
1. Eat healthier (children.)
2. Grow larger eyebrows.
3. Write one haiku a day:
2. Grow larger eyebrows.
3. Write one haiku a day:
Meatloaf on the walls
And ketchup on the ceiling–
My plan for Thursday.
All Monsters
Mavis the Scaroller
What made Mavis most merry in this miraculous month of the year,
More than meringue or minced pies,
More than presents or parties or poinsettias,
More than any holiday hoopla,
Was dressing up and sneaking around the neighborhood with the local Christmas Carollers.
More than meringue or minced pies,
More than presents or parties or poinsettias,
More than any holiday hoopla,
Was dressing up and sneaking around the neighborhood with the local Christmas Carollers.
Gone Fishin’
Does life ever get you down?
Things piling up on you?
Bit off more than you can chew?
Overwhelmed?
Worried?
Anxious?
Nervous?
Apprehensive?
Afraid all the time about everything?
Things piling up on you?
Bit off more than you can chew?
Overwhelmed?
Worried?
Anxious?
Nervous?
Apprehensive?
Afraid all the time about everything?
Weatherby Wallpaper
Walter Weatherby was the wallpaper designer.
If you wanted to re-do your scare closet–
If you were looking to drab down your bathroom–
If you wanted exceptionally disgusting decor–
Walter was your monster.
If you wanted to re-do your scare closet–
If you were looking to drab down your bathroom–
If you wanted exceptionally disgusting decor–
Walter was your monster.
Geraldine the Witless
Geraldine the witless chose to eat a singing bird,
Thinking it would taste sugary sweet.
Thinking it would taste sugary sweet.
What To Do…
If the monster under your bed is too loud,
With a groan, or a moan, or a mutter…
With a groan, or a moan, or a mutter…
Crandall Gives Thanks
Crandall was not a particularly gracious monster.
More often than not, he was unmistakably rude.
“Uuuuuuuuuuuuggggghhhhh…..Nothing is good enough in this paltry little world.”
More often than not, he was unmistakably rude.
“Uuuuuuuuuuuuggggghhhhh…..Nothing is good enough in this paltry little world.”
Once a year though, Crandall D. Monster was uncharacteristically appreciative,
And it just so happened to coincide with the time of year when American families gathered to give thanks.
Jacob the Lonely
Now I sit here all alone;
There used to be more of us.
But just last week,
I scared them all away.
There used to be more of us.
But just last week,
I scared them all away.
I put ants in their tea
And ghostly sounds in their sleep.
I tore out the sconces and left the wires to dangle.
I even once poured tapioca all over the patio furniture.
Henrietta the Hoarder
Henrietta, the Hoarder, couldn’t throw things away.
“Oh, I can’t,” she would mutter, “I just can’t,” she would say.
Her house overflowed in complete disarray,
But she’d only reply “I might need that someday!”
“Oh, I can’t,” she would mutter, “I just can’t,” she would say.
Her house overflowed in complete disarray,
But she’d only reply “I might need that someday!”
Harold Leaves Home
Harold looked out the 8th floor window of the old tenement building.
A bulldozer menaced from across the street, threatening a brand new
strip mall with outlet clothing stores and a BOGO FROYO shop.
A bulldozer menaced from across the street, threatening a brand new
strip mall with outlet clothing stores and a BOGO FROYO shop.
It was tricky.
Harold loved frozen yogurt and designer fashion at bargain prices,
But, he also loved his home.