Midnight Snack
Remember, reader, to ALWAYS go to the bathroom before you go to bed…
All Monsters
Hey You!
Hey!
Hey, you!
Yes, YOU!
Come over here.
Riiiiiiiight…NOW!
Inconspicious Monster
There is a kind of monster
That we rarely identify as a monster.
A monster that is so everyday
That we sometimes forget it’s a monster at all.
That we rarely identify as a monster.
A monster that is so everyday
That we sometimes forget it’s a monster at all.
The Six
At 1:06 – They locked the door
At 2:15 – Pillows on the floor
At 2:15 – Pillows on the floor
Harry Jr. and Harry Sr.
“When am I going to separate?” Harry Jr. asked Harry Sr.
“When it’s time…” said Harry Sr.
“But how will I know when it’s time?”
“When you’ve mastered the art of breaking a glass window with a single scream–”
“But, I HAVE!” said Harry Jr.
“When you’ve amassed just the right amount of underarm stench to revolt every passerby–”
“Come on! I must be pretty close to that!”
Monster Personals
No need for roses or violets or any of that junk.
Looking for a monster with a strong work ethic,
Who appreciates the complexities of scaring children…
Extraordinary Pair
Because you refused to cut your hair,
And because I refused to grow any,
We were a most extraordinary pair.
And because I refused to grow any,
We were a most extraordinary pair.
Pumpernickle’s Prize
Pumpernickle was a transformational monster. He could turn into whatever scared you most. If you were scared of bugs, he would turn into a closet full of cockroaches. If you were scared of snot, he would turn into a giant booger.
But on top of being scary, Pumpernickle had a knack for trickery, which he displayed over and over again on poor Helen, the little girl that lived in his farmhouse.
Millie’s Mandolin (A Monster Sonnet)
Millicent wanted to play mandolin-
To pluck and to plunk, to strum and to sing-
But when it came time for her to begin,
She found out that learning was no easy thing.
The Mandatory Vacation
For some, a monster vacation was a chance to get away, to enjoy the finer things in life, and to take a break from the all-consuming work of scaring humans. But for Eunice, Gary and Solomon, a vacation was an excruciating den of boredom, angst and irritation.
They were workaholics. They loved their 18 hour days, 7 days a week and could easily maintain that lifestyle all the time. However, the MU (Monster Union) dictated that all monsters take two weeks off a year for “restorative rest and relaxation.”
United by their mutual dread of vacations, Eunice, Gary and Solomon always arranged to suffer the time off together.