Weatherby Wallpaper

Walter Weatherby was the wallpaper designer.
If you wanted to re-do your scare closet­–
If you were looking to drab down your bathroom–
If you wanted exceptionally disgusting decor–
Walter was your monster.

“I don’t design wallpaper, I design nightmares.”

Walter considered himself a consummate artist, traveling annually to the eastern galaxies to develop the latest trends.  Every new collection was a smash success and monsters would come from across the globe to buy up his terrifically terrifying designs.  Everyone had to have a Weatherby wall.

But this particular year was unsettling for Walter.

After touring the Dark Caves of Dlepticon K—where he anticipated he’d find inspiration in the stalactites and stalagmites, Walter found himself staring at the four walls of his studio in complete blank-itude.

He. Had. Nothing.
Not a smidgen of creativity.

He opened a window and searched the city skyline, the bird wires and the dumpsters in the alleys. He paced the tiny apartment.  He tried to take a nap.  He made his favorite sandwich – salami, peanut butter and egg.  Still nothing.

He looked desperately through books of his previous designs, just to see if he could glean something new from something old.  It didn’t help.

His artistic credibility was on the line.

“Ohhhhh noooo….” he groaned. “This is it.  I’ve lost it.  I’m dispensible, useless. My designing days are over!”

He slumped his monster head in his monster hand and tried to disappear.

He heaved a heavy sigh.

Then he coughed.

Something was stuck. A bug? A bit of undigested egg?


A tiny limestone particle from a stalactite in the Dark Caves had lodged itself deep in Walter’s monster lung.  It stirred, tickling its way up Walter’s monster esophagus, through his monster throat, past his monster Adam’s Apple, and up to his monster nostril until finally…


Walter looked down at a giant monster snot splatter.

“Eureka Topeka! A new design! Born from a sneeze!”

Walter began to draw madly.

His colored pencils raced on into the night, and in the early hours of the next day, Walter looked gleefully at his new creation. Massaging his aching hand, he smiled and thought to himself – “Sometimes what you’re looking for is already inside of you and you just have to be patient. It will find its way out.”


  • December 11, 2012 at 1:38 am // Reply

    I always read these aloud to my family….we love this monster! Apparently peanut butter, salami, and onion are also very good!

  • December 11, 2012 at 1:38 am // Reply

    …..and jalepeño cheese!

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