Mavis the Scaroller
What made Mavis most merry in this miraculous month of the year,
More than meringue or minced pies,
More than presents or parties or poinsettias,
More than any holiday hoopla,
Was dressing up and sneaking around the neighborhood with the local Christmas Carollers.
Even as a young monster,
Mavis pilfered her parents’ wardrobes to play pretend.
She was a mistress of disguise, a magnificent chameleon.
From Lucille, the sweet elderly nurse,
To Carl, the haggard truck driver,
Mavis would metamorphosize;
Beauty queen to enormous slug in a matter of garments.
But her ultimate and favorite transformation took place every December.
A fabulous fiery red dress,
Glitzy gold earrings,
A bouffant blonde wig-
In minutes she became the picture-perfect human Christmas caroller.
Mavis knew all of the major carols by heart.
She could sing any harmony.
She could take any part.
Soprano or alto, tenor or bass-
Mavis could do it all.
But what she really brought to the table,
What made her so uniquely horrifying
Was a subtle, stealthy, supernatural SCREECH.
Usually she’d sneak it somewhere in the middle of a song,
A shrieking siren signaling–
“Listen up! This Christmas might hold something different!
Just underneath the tree,
Or in that last spoonful of plum pudding,
Or at the bottom of Santa’s sack of presents–
There might be something unexpected.
Something wild and exciting lurking in the dark.”
It was eerily effective.
Bewildered listeners would tilt their heads in fear and exhilaration.
As the confused carollers completed their final chorus,
Mavis, grinning gleefully at the disconcerted crowd,
Would toss back her fabulous blonde curls
And turn to the next unsuspecting house,
“Sleigh bells SCREECH
Are you listening?
In the lane
Snow is SCREECHING!
A beautiful sight,
We’re SCREECHING tonight,
SCREECHING in a SCREECH SCREECH SCREECH!!!”